One Sentence: Johnny Depp’s bad year continues.

Rated: PG-13

Nudity: None

After Credits: None

The Second Renaissance  is two animated movies that were created to help explain the back story of the A.I in The Matrix.  How they were coexisting, came to power and how they took over.  There are no characters, it is like an animated history lesson but it is needed to tell that type of a story.  Transcendence is attempting that same sort of thing with character development and the human side of the story in 119 minutes.

They just could not do it.  There were so many huge jumps in the story line, things I wanted to know, that it felt so hollow.  It started off pretty good, the first 40 minutes I would say.  I was thinking this is a great Sci-fi movie.  I personally love the A.I. story lines.  Then the A.I. started, and the movie just got too much story for the time they had.  Military, giant solar arrays, a tiny town with weird people in it, nanobots, and so many more things that just happened, without explaining how, or why.  It seems like they took a lot out for time.

I wish there was more to this movie.  I think it had potential, and I loved the idea of the story.  It just didn’t cut it and when I left the movie I felt like this was a huge missed opportunity, and it just ended up being a movie that I will forget about very quickly.  I would skip it completely.

One Sentence: You have to go see this in 3-D IMAX if you can.

Rated: PG-13

Nudity: None

After Credits: None

Avatar was an amazing movie, but it felt, like a CG animated movie in some parts.  A groundbreaking movie, but still, some of it felt a little painted on.  The trick is to take what Avatar did and make it look more real, so real that you ask yourself, how did they do that.  Gravity did that.  The moment in Jurassic Park where they see the first Dinosaur eating at the tree and he goes on 2 legs, and the music builds and you know movie making will never be the same.  Gravity is another fixed point in film history, and things will never be the same.

It was mind blowing.  It was truly amazing.  It pushed movie making to a limit and went past it.  Gravity is an amazing creation of art, science, and beauty.  It is a movie I will never forget, and will be one of the movie I reference in 20 years just like I did today with Jurassic Park.   The other great thing about Gravity, is it is not just a CG fest, or has a weak script that is carried by it’s technology.  It is a beautiful movie with a wonderful script, and Sandy does an amazing job.

I think it is easy to see that I recommend going to see this movie.  I also say, go see it in 3D IMAX if you can.  The beauty of this movie is only made even more powerful by the amazing size and clarity of an IMAX screen.   It is rare that I say you should really go see something in IMAX or 3D.  I only say it when I think it will make the movie better, and this is one of those times.  Without a doubt.  I will be going to see it again in IMAX this weekend.

One Sentence: Not quite out of the Uncanny Valley yet.

Rated: PG

Running Time: 127 Minutes

Release Date: 17-Dec-2010

Nudity: None

Tron: Legacy is a beautiful, upgraded version of Tron.  It is a perfect cohesion of light, sound, and film.  It is a wonderfully made movie that is a great movie for the family and highly entertaining.  It is worth the 3-D ticket price, and when the movie was over I had a great time, and glad I watched it.  Tron: Legacy is a great holiday movie.  But…

Tron: Legacy falls down in the same way the original Tron fell down.  It is an explosion of technical light and sound that doesn't deliver anything more.  If I was looking at it compared to the original Tron, I should have expected this, and I still maintain that Tron: Legacy is a great movie.  It just feels like you want it to have more.  Be more than what it is.  Be more than just a 200 million dollar technical achievement. Sadly, Tron: Legacy is only a technical achievement, that delivers a story that dies on the game grid.  It didn't leave me wanting to know more about Tron, Clu, the gird, or the new program, Quorra playted by Olivia Wilde.  It just served up scenes that were visually amazing pieced together in a way that made sense enough to end the movie.  I had a great time getting through those scenes, it's just a little bit of a let down that there wasn't more.  Something that would make a franchise.  

But really who cares, are we watching Tron: Legacy for the story, or are we watching it to see people derez in 3-D.  Seeing the Jeff Bridges computer generated character, who makes it almost over the uncanny valley (look it up), but falls short by just a tiny bit.  Wanting to see a new light cycle battle, and everything else that we have seen previewed to us for the last year in full 3-D with Daft Punk backing it up.  Tron: Legacy delivers all of those things and it is amazing.  I liked this movie so much I would go see it in the theaters in 3-D again.  It is just a wonderful collision of our technical achievements just as the original Tron was and it is worth your time and money to see. 

Rated: R

Running Time: 93 Minutes

Release Date: 12-Jun-2009

Nudity: None

One Sentence:  Cost prohibitive believability.

I am not sure what to say about Moon, the new independent Sci-Fi moving staring Sam Rockwell, that you have probably not heard of.  It techincally is a fine crafted wonderful true sci-fi movie that sustains itself for the 93 minutes with mostly a single man and a HAL like robot played by Kevin Spacey.  This should be satisfactory, and enough for me to say this movie is good.  That this movie is a renter, and that you should consider adding it to your queue especially if you like Sam Rockwell or true Sci-fi.  However I feel like I don't want to say that. 

Moon seems to want to stand up and say look at me I am smart, interesting and purely low budget, while telling a original (sort of) story and I am proud of myself for staying away from Hollywood.  It has all these good elements, but feels so empty about them, that I am not sure if I liked Moon at all.  I left the movie feeling like I did like it, but now a couple of days later, I am feeling like this movie could have never been made and if I had not written this article no one would have ever known it existed and it would not matter if they found out.  

I think the feel of this movie had made it feel as isolated as the main character in the movie.  It feels empty, baren, without responce, and so I too feel this way about this movie.  I think that is probably stating that the movie is good, and it is correctly portraying it's feel on people but that feeling is so cold and empty, that I am not sure if I liked it or not.  So that is all you get from me on Moon.  Check it out if you think it sounds like a movie for you. 

Rated: PG

Running Time: 98 Minutes

Year: 2008

Nudity: None

One Sentence: There is no General Grievous in this movie. 

Sigh, it is hard for fanboys like me.  As I sit here writing this looking at my Rancor, and my new General Grievious "The Clone Wars" figure that I just bought about a week ago I think to myself, sometimes it's hard out there for a fanboy.  The reason it is hard, because of crap like this.  The Clone Wars animation started with 2 amazing Cartoon Network volumes that were headed by the art team who did Samurai Jack.  The volumes were smart, good, amazingly well animated, and were the type of movies Star Wars fans could get behind and be proud of liking.  So it was with some delight that I heard about The Clone Wars, computer animated movie coming to theaters…I should have known better. 

Let's start with the good, which will be short.  Some battle sequences, were pretty awesome, with the CG holding tight and keeping with the amazing Star Wars feel.  Good lightsaber work, good space battles, and land battles, and good overall visual representation of characters in the CG format.  This along with Samuel L. Jackson, and Christopher Lee doing their vocal parts were just about the only things worth anything in this movie. 

The movie falls apart with the opening score, when the words Star Wars appear on screen, it's the theme to Star Wars done by some low rent computer orchestra, or something.  It is apparent in that very first second of the movie that we are in for something less than would be expected from a film release of a Star Wars product.  From there on out it goes from bad to worse.  The movie is a battle sequence story, that has no baring or effect on the large Star Wars plot.  It doesn't have General Grievous the best character from The Clone Wars saga, which leaves me wonder why the fuck I have a Clone Wars Grievous figure that came out for the movie, if he isn't in the fucking movie.  Then they introduce this annoying padawan female that sticks with Anakin the whole movie.  This is the plot of this movie.  And she is just as annoying and whiny as Anakin is in Episodes I-III.  Maybe even more so because her voice is grating on my last nerve. 

I can not say this enough that if you are an adult male without children who is a Star Wars fan, you can actually do completly without this movie.  You actually might be better off not seeing it, to save that last shred of dignity you might have claiming you are a Star Wars fan.  If you have some tween's or less in your family, then I would say this is a great movie to take the little ones too especially if they are fans, but you are going to have a hard time getting though it. 

Rated: PG-13

Running Time: 96 Minutes

Year: 2006

Boobs: Zero

One Sentence: Another mindfuck from Darren.

I don't do well with these type of movies.  These cryptic, ambiguous movies with no definition of what is really going on, and you have to spend 5 days on the imdb boards reading other peoples theory of what happened to help form your own idea of what actually occurred.   I mean it's cool, the movie makes you think and that is a good thing I suppose, but when the movie ends, and I feel confused and thinking, I don't know what just happened, and I am not going to figure it out.  I think personally, that makes it a bad movie.  

I am talking about movies here, not films.  I review movies, for people that like movies and go to the theater and have fun at the movies.  For all of you, and don't really want something where you might not ever understand it.  I don't think this is for you.   It just doesn't have enough for you to enjoy it.  So much is left out for you to guess what is going on, you are spend with most of your time trying to figure out what is going on instead of enjoying the movie.  If you can't watch and re-watch this movie it is not for you.  

Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz are the stars who took a pay cut to make the movie.  They are great, Hugh Jackman especially, who I enjoy very much.  He makes the story work, and executes a believable performance in the portions where we do understand what is happening.  There is a small supporting cast, who are not necessary to much of anything.  While these performances are either fine or great, they can not save the story from it's own lack of clarity.  Webbing scenes from the past, present and future, we have a jigsaw puzzle of nice pretty little pieces that when put together, leave a big hole in the middle, while you are looking around for the rest of the pieces, that didn't actually come in the box.  I don't even think it's a renter.  

Rated: R

Running Time: Bout an hour and a half

Year: 2007

Boobs: Zero

One Sentence: Rodriguez wins the Grindhouse matchup.

I sometimes get a skewed view of what is going on in America's movie theaters because I watch most of my movies at The Alamo Drafthouse.  What that means is, there are more fanboys, more roots movie watchers, and more people that will consider an Austin based movie like Grindhouse as a great movie without even watching it.  So when I jump on that bandwagon, with everyone else we sometimes get a little blinded and miss what a lot of people would see.  I mean look, there was a prop from the movie in the lobby, given to The Alamo to put up for the movie.  

Every show was sold out and everyone was into it.  So when I see that Grindhouse came in 4th in box office results below Are We Done Yet?  It sometimes brings me back to reality, that this movie, probably would not be great for most people.  Especially your normal girlfriends who are not fond of bloody zombie gross movies like Planet Terror, especially when eating pizza, and other foods at The Drafthouse, she might almost puke on you.  So just watch out ok. 

Planet Terror was the first of the 2 Grindhouse movies, it started fast, was balls to the wall and went big.  Zombies, or some sort of chemical agent zombies were the evil doers, and they brought with them a rain of blood, pus, and all things gross and violent.  If I were going to look at this movie from a critic point of view, I think I would say it was near horrible.  Just overly gross for anyone to really see and for anyone with any sense to stay away.  However I am not a critic, and I write movies for the people.  

What I say is.  Pretty freaking good movie.  It did deliver on most of the things I would expect.  Low plot, no back story, lots of action, hot babes, explosions and blood.  It was the perfect man movie, something that I think we hope to see all the times with those B grade horrors, but is never executed quite right.  Planet Terror, did it right.   It has the right mix of campy feel, and overdone blood to make it comical and not in my opinion gross.  However my gf hated it and thought it was disgusting.  So guys keep an eye out for that. 

Robert made this movie happen with direction and execution of perfect acting, which was testosterone driven and a view back to what we have lost in the last 30 years of film.  I am not saying that we should go back to this at all.  But for one night it sure was fun.  Rose McGowan did fine, she has lost a lot of weight, almost too skinny and lost that buxom sexy feel she used to carry about her, which would have been better for her role, but I wouldn't count that as a big negative.  I guess truthfully if you are not in Austin and going to see it in a grindhouse theater, you might be fine renting it, but I did have fun and think it is totally a renter.  Especially Planet Terror. 

Love Actually is going to be at the top of my list.  It is almost the perfect Valentine's Day movie.  Only it takes place during Christmas time, but aside from that.  This movie is perfect.  It is amazingly well written, has multiple story lines, is cute, funny, sad, and sexy.  Has a huge all star cast and I think is probably one of the best romantic comedies ever made.   This one got 5 stars when I wrote my original review on it, and is one that is in my personal DVD collection.  If you have not seen Love Actually it comes in as The Reviewers #1 Valentine's Day Rental.  

The Notebook, is a slightly heavier affair.  It is not a comedy.  It spurrs up a lot of emotion.  It has a lot of sadness and those types of feelings that sort of pull hard on you and could even have a tear of two coming.  Be warned of this one if you are looking for something for V-day that is more fun.  This movie is powerful and amazing and the perfect love story, if you have a powerful relationship that you think is going to go the distance this one is for you, but it can be too strong from some, especially those just starting out.  

You probably forgot about this one, or maybe didn't even knew it existed.   If you are looking for the anti-valentine movie, with that horror flair, you might want to check out Valentine.  A horrible horror movie, probably shouldn't be on my list, but it is in that so good it's bad list, and with the name and theming all around Valentine's Day, it could be the perfect anti movie you have been looking for.   Buffy and Angel fans would be interested to know that David Boreanaz is in it too.  

Better Off Dead is one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time.  An 80's high school movie, with jokey jokes, and a animated dancing hamburger scene.  It is the ultimate romantic comedy of the 80's.  Arguably John Cusack's best role.   This one is funny, cute, and sweet.  It is not the most romantic of the list, but if you are looking for something funny, that you might not have seen and love the 80's this is a great choice.  

Guys, this is the smooth play right here.  Not flashy or overly Hollywood.  Brining out Breakfast At Tiffany's is a smooth move.   A classic romantic comedy, that shows that you are willing to watch something made in the 60's, because it is for your lady friend.  A funny, cool and of course sweet story of Holly Golightly will keep you and your baby close and cuddly while you have a good time watching an American classic.

I feel putting this movie on the list is cheating, it is too easy to put The Princess Bride on a Valentines Day list, but there might be someone out there that has not seen it.   A love story in the past, with pirates, sword fights, giants, magic, fire swamps and of course True Love.   The Princess Bride is a wonderful love story, and one that I have never heard a person ever say they didn't like.

If you are looking for a little bit more adult affair, but at least want some sort of plot.  9 1/2 weeks is that hot forbidden type of movie you are dying to get through, so you can have your own hot forbidden affair as soon as it is over.  Or you can always do it during the movie…and after.

Got the kids, but still want something sweet?  Aladdin is my favorite Disney movie, and it also happens to be a very good romantic movie.   Comedy, action, amazing animation and a wonderful performance from Robin Williams, makes Aladdin the perfect family selection for Valentine's Day. 

Now why in the hell is Alien on the list?  Well this is for the ladies.  The single ladies, that are tired of all the Valentine's day stuff.  What you have here is a very scary, sci-fi movie.  Perhaps the scariest movie of all time.  However it is led by a powerful and alone Sigourney Weaver.  Screw men, this movie shows what woman can do all by themselves!

Now I personally hate Julia Roberts.  I just can't stand her, and anything she is in, but if my lady wants to watch Pretty Woman on Valentine's day, then that is what she gets.   You can gain major points by bringing home Pretty Woman.  It seems like every girl in the world thinks it's wonderful.   They are happy and you are happy because they are.  You can make it through for just 2 hours.  Remember if it wasn't for them, you would be sitting alone playing Worlds of Warcraft.  

Rated: R

Running Time: 93 Long Minutes

Year: 2005

Boobs: One Pair

One Sentence:  I think my girlfriend likes to torture me.

Sometimes when a big blockbuster comes out.   A smaller movie company tries to bank on that by creating a much cheaper direct to DVD version.  This version comes out right when the blockbuster comes out in the theater.  That way people that are dumb or not paying attention will rent it thinking it is the blockbuster.  It is very much not. 

I think perhaps my gf added this to her queue to torture me.  She rents these direct to DVD movies every once in a while, and I am pretty sure it is after I have done something to upset her.  She of course plays this off as just bad choices, or that she "added everything to do with War of the Worlds" to her queue after I loved the Spielburg version.   However after being tortured to death with this version I think that it is perhaps something else.   Whatever I have done, it is not as bad as this movie.   I am pretty sure no one else has this movie in their queue, or has even heard of it, but if you have, stay away.  Stay far away. 

I am not even sure I know what was going on, if I had not seen two other versions of War of the Worlds, and a documentary I really would have been lost.   The editing and effects were horrible.  HORRIBLE.  The alien's looked like a dryer vent tube painted black, with a face that opened, and shot white goo.   There were some ships too, but the special effects from the original version from 1953, those were miles ahead of what was done with this flick. I have spent too much time on this review already.  There is tons more to rant about, but it is not worth any of our time.  Please stay away for the sake of your eyes.