New Moon

New Moon

Rated: PG-13

Running Time: 130 Minutes (Yes over 2 hours long)

Release Date: 20-Nov-2009

Nudity: Nothing but young 20 something men acting like teens taking off their shirts.

One Sentence: An almost completely unbearable 2 hour experience.

I know I am not the target audience, but I also think I am not the target audience for a lot of movies, and that doesn't mean that when I go to those movies I have to sit in the theater for over 2 hours and feel like not a single frame shot was made for me. I can usually find something about the movie I can enjoy, but not New Moon.  Not only was it a horrible movie, they really tried to make it in every way possible not for anyone that isn't a horny confused tween. The movie was nothing but a Tiger Beat magazine come to life.  

Teen boys topless and wet running around the movie almost kissing a semi-cute weird girl who in the end is really just a lying ho and fighting each other for her affections is not my idea of anything I want to see.  Again I know I am not the target, but fuck, could we have at least put the girl in a white tee-shirt when she was in the rain?  There were literally 6 guys in this movie without shirts on for most of the movie, wet and dripping, meant to make young girls excited.  Why don't they make a movie like this for boys.  We will call it hot teens dripping wet.  Oh wait they do make that movie, but I wasn't allowed to watch it when I was 13 and I must be 18 to order. 

There were a few seconds of the movie where they attempted something that wasn't mental dry humping on the screen, and I thought for one second that maybe some well written back story or lore was about to happen.  However anything that was meant to steer plot was quickly forgotten for more orgasmic almost kissing.  In the end I don't think anything happened in the movie that really wasn't a look into a 12 year olds fan-fic livejournal.  So I think it is quite easy to tell that I do not recommend this movie in any way.  

1 Star 

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