The-Reviewer.net

Rated: R Running Time: 95 Minutes Year: 2005 Boobs: A few pairs! One Sentence: The director of House of the Dead returns for more video game vampires! If you didn't catch my review for House of the Dead it is right here. Anyway you will be glad to see I did not give this movie, BloodRayne, 1 star. But it was damn close. I never played the game, so I have no idea what it was about, but if this movie was any indication of the shit ass plot, I will never play that game. This movie much like Uwe Boll's previous flick, was about as clear as the dyed red chocolate syrup splattered across Kristanna Loken's face throughout the movie. It had something to do with a bad Vampire, that was played by Ben Kingsely, How did they get fucking Ghandi, in this movie I will have no clue. The bad vampire, was bad, I guess but I never saw him do one bad thing, I guess you are automatically bad because you are a Vampire. So the Terminator, I mean Bloodrayne wanted to stop the evil Vampire. Also Michael Madsen was in it, and he was fat. Michelle Rodriguez was in it, and she was overacting and always angry. Billy Zane was in it with a horrible wig. And Meat Loaf was in it, also with a bad wig, but he had a bunch of hot naked sluts all up on his business, you know like in real life. I might have been able to get past the shit ass plot, if there were other cool things to tell you about. I guess there was one good thing to report, Kristanna Loken shows off her ta's and gets all fucked in this flick, but it is not enough to rent it. The attempted other cool thing was the blood and fighting. The fighting was pathetic, it looked like they didn't rehearse and no one was trained how to swing a sword. They all looked like they were about 90 years old trying to swing a broadsword and hit the broadside of a barn. When the sword connected, the blood sprayed across the walls, and the faces of those fighting a thick blood, heavy like latex paint, it probably was latex paint. It looked so fake and overdone, that it too just added to the sadness of everyone involved in this flick. I wouldn't say it sucked enough to give it a 1, but it is pushing it, and unless you have an uber hard on for the Terminator, there is no good reason to rent this movie.

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