Sex Tape

Sex Tape Image

One Sentence: Rated R and so much better for it.

Rated: R

Nudity: Butts

After Credits: None

In the first 2 minutes of this movie you know it’s rated R for a reason.  Jason Segel wrote another amazing movie written for adults about being adults and delivered it with a lot of laughs.  It does everything you want, it doesn’t pull punches on jokes, it makes fun of your kids, it’s sexy, it’s funny, and everyone in it seems like they are down for whatever the script asked for.  Which in a rated R comedy about sex, that is really important.  I am so happy with everyone’s performances in this movie, they seemed to really believe in what they were doing if it the scenes were a little uncomfortable to shoot.

Cameron Diaz and Rob Lowe are the two stand out’s in this movie.  Cameron because she seemed so open to everything they threw at her.  Graphically funny sex scenes, outfits, drug use, and just being a mom.  She really went all out on the character and it really helped make this movie be so much more than just a rated R comedy.  She really helped make it feel real, and genuine.  Rob Lowe on the other hand made this movie feel silly and off the wall.  Which is also awesome.  While it did have a message, it was a good story, and it was rooted in reality, they gave him an amazing part that was just crazy.  It allowed us to have the balance of some reality and some really insane comedy, and Rob was amazing at it.  It all made for a wonderful movie that I enjoyed very much.

I think it is an easy call for full date night this weekend.  Do not bring the kids, and expect some adult content, but it is very well written and very funny.

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Tammy Movie Review

Tammy Movie Review Image

One Sentence: I am not sure what this movie was trying to say.

Rated: R

Nudity: None

After Credits: During the credits.

Melissa McCarthy is on fire as I am sure you know.  Which can be a bad thing.  She gets put into movies just because it is her, and she gets projects that maybe should of never been made because she is in them or attached to them.  Melissa and her real life husband Ben Falcone wrote Tammy together and both star in the movie as well.  Ben directed it and this is one of those times where I think everyone was just nodding yes to a star and nothing else mattered, because Tammy didn’t work for me.

While this character you ended up liking for her caring heart, she also didn’t want to learn anything.  She has a mixed up character of something that you would never ever be friends with who you wish had made better choices in life because she is a nice person when she wants to be.  This character didn’t work for me, as every time I felt like she was taking a step forward she also took a step back.  It was supported by a bunch of other horrible characters who I really didn’t care to find out what would happen with them.  A lot of people I didn’t need a story told about.

This all led to the end of the movie that was sort of a romantic ending and had no learned moments at the end.  At least I didn’t think so.  We have this long journey down the path of a not so great person who didn’t really learn anything or change in any way.  I left the theater thinking what was the point of this movie.  I also didn’t think it was very funny.  So Melissa isn’t great in everything and Tammy is proof of that.  I would skip this one completely.

Tammy Movie Review Image

Transformers: Age Of Extinsion

Transformers: Age Of Extinsion Image

One Sentence: The Dinobots are in this movie for about 20 minutes and are not impressive.

Rated: PG-13

Nudity: None

After Credits: None

Holy crap, I have not been this offended by my time being stolen in a long time.  Now I have to write this review and waste even more time?  I hope at least I can save you 3 hours.  Yes, 3 hours!  Because that is how long this movie is, and if you see that I wrote that the Dinobots are in the last 20 minutes, that means, about 160 minutes of NO DINOBOTS.  Which might be ok, if this movie was good in any way.  If the plot didn’t suck totally, the dialogue wasn’t abysmal or the editing wasn’t the worst I have seen in a movie I think ever.

There is a scene where they are racing in a rally car, yes a rally car, through a corn field, they cut to some close up shots then back to the car, on an asphalted overpass.  The whole movie was like a weird time warp.  Something would be going on and then it would be the same scene but like later in that scene, and you don’t know how they got to that point.  It was like they thought they had so much good stuff that they had to make the hard choices to cut it down to 3 hours.  So the decision was made, cut all the things that thread together these scenes, we just want the robots fighting anyway.

The Dinobots are what we are really here for anyway.  They didn’t speak, and didn’t have any plot around them.  They literally were found in cages, unlocked, and they were forced by Optimus to do his Autobot dictator bidding, or else he was going to heat sword them to death.  Ugh it was so disappointing.  They had a triple changer, who never triple changed at one time, they had Galvetron, but he sucked and was hardly in the movie either.   This whole movie was just a total waste of everything do not ever pay time or money to see this movie.

ZERO STARS!

22 Jump Street Movie Review

22 Jump Street Movie Review Image

One Sentence: Work Hard, Play Hard.

Rated: R

Nudity: None

After Credits: During the credits.

I don’t have a ton to say about this movie, except that it is one of the funniest movies I have seen in a long time and the funniest movie of the year for sure.  Everyone is amazing.  You should go see it as soon as possible, it is just hilarious.  A special note to Jillian Bell who was so amazingly funny.  I have not laughed this much in a movie in a long time.  Go see it as soon as you can.  Don’t bring the kids.

5 Stars.

 

Edge Of Tomorrow

Edge Of Tomorrow Image

One Sentence: Groundhog Day future version.

Rated: PG-13

Nudity: None

After Credits: None

I like Emily Blunt as an action star.  She fit into her costume, she didn’t look like they were trying to put her into a role where she didn’t belong, and she seems fit.  She delivered on a challenging part and I liked her very much in that part.  They put her on posters and gave her this sword blade and it worked very well.  It seemed like it was all very well thought out.  I liked most of the movie because it felt like it was well thought out.

Tom Cruise did his thing.  I feel like I have seen him in so many things now that it is automatically the Tom Cruise action character doing his thing, and it was fine.  The thing that is really great about this movie is the smart editing and the blend of the time story lines and the comedy and action.  It all worked out very well.  The romance was very minimal and they dealt with this movie as it should of been.  A movie about an alien force attacking Earth and what we would do about it.  Bill Paxton was excellent.  A wonderful part that he delivered very well.

Edge of Tomorrow feels like a movie that I loved while watching it that I will watch again when it is on FX in 3 years, but I won’t remember it till then.  I had so much fun with this movie, I thought it was exciting, funny, smart and looked amazing.  It just didn’t have that thing, that thing that makes you want to watch it again, remember it, or make it a movie you want to own on Blu-Ray.  I think you should go see it this weekend.  I would even pay full price for it.  You will have a great time, and then you will be ready for the next movie because that might be the last time you will ever see it.

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Maleficent Movie Review

Maleficent Movie Review Image

One Sentence: Ok, make them all now Disney.

Rated: PG

Nudity: None

After Credits: None

As a critic I am tasked with pointing out the good and the bad with a movie.  In fairness I did say this to my fiance last night.  “I wish the dragon fire was green, and I wish the guys that threw the mud looked a little less cartoony. ”  There it is, my huge list of things that are wrong with Maleficent.  I loved this movie.  I loved every minute of it.  Before this movie I felt like things like The Warcraft movie might of still been a bit too complex.  All of those thoughts are gone.  I now believe that anythings visually can be created for a movie.  It was stunning.

Now I would like to take a moment and talk about Angelina Jolie.  I have never loved her.  However I can not think of anyone else to have played this role.  She was perfect as Maleficent.  She invoked emotion and pain without speaking.  Her movements were amazing.  Her face and the makeup were so amazing it made for the best creation of an animated character come to life I have ever seen.  Without her this movie would of been cool, but she made this movie outstanding.    I fell in love with the character that she played in this movie, it is rare that I say that.

Along with all of that, this is a Disney animated movie come to life.  It is magical, and beautiful, colorful and dark.  There are princes, and princesses and fairies, and dragons.  It has made me say that I am ready for them to remake all of these movies in live action.  I believe they can do it and I believe they can deliver some amazing movies, based on some very classic stories.  I haven’t been this excited about Disney work since John Lassiter took over as hard of Pixar and Animation at Disney.  I can not say enough good things about Maleficent and I think you all should go see it as soon as your possibly can.

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Godzilla

Godzilla Image

One Sentence: Awww monster babies.

Rated: PG-13

Nudity: None

After Credits: None

After the tragedy that was the first American Godzilla release, getting a CG Godzilla movie made in America again was a huge hurdle.  It finally is coming out with the support of super hot Bryan Cranston.  The marketing has been amazing.  I can’t think of trailers that I have seen lately that have made me want to watch a movie more.  So maybe it was over hyped for me, but I was excited.  Was this Godzilla going to be better than the last?

This Godzilla is better than the last, but it still wasn’t the face melting metal filled monster movie that we wanted.  I don’t know if the movie we want could ever be made.  The line between cheesy rubber monster, and awesome thunder lizard that breathes nuclear fire but has a heart of gold is something that I do not think can be made with a one off movie.  It requires 50 years of monster development and an understanding of what the movie is supposed to be, to be successful.  The expectation in America is too high for a Godzilla movie to be a 5 star mega block buster.

So this movie is getting a 3 out of 5 from me.  It had 1 awesome monster fight scene.  It had a lot of military action and not enough science.  It felt like a sequel to Jurassic Park where they took out all the science, and traded it for guns, and military.  It injected a weird family story that didn’t need to be there and felt very forced, and there were other monsters who didn’t feel like they were well thought out as far as what a monster or giant animal from ancient times would look like.  It just had a lot of things going on in a lot of directions and it didn’t feel organized.  It did give me hope for another Godzilla, movie.  I would go see another, and maybe it would be a little bit more over the top than this one. So everyone goes to watch this one, maybe the next one will be the movie I am hoping for.

As far as if you should go see it.  I think you would have fun watching it and I think it is worth paying for. It isn’t the movie in the trailers, and it isn’t that perfect monster movie we have been hoping for.  Maybe America can’t do giant robots and giant monsters.

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