The Hobbit: Battle Of The Five Armies

The Hobbit: Battle Of The Five Armies Image

 

One Sentence: This poster is a lie.

Rated: PG-13

Nudity: None

After Credits: None

This whole Hobbit thing has been a general disaster.  Taking a book that is barely 300 pages and a lot of those are filled with dwarf songs, and long names.  Turning it into 3 movies just drug it out too much.  The Hobbit Battle Of The Five Armies suffers greatly from this lack of source material.  It is an empty cold tale with no meaning.  A war with 5 stupid armies, being pig headed and stupid about everything.  Then they fight and the movie ends.  There is nothing greater to fight for than gold, and there is the very faintest clue of things to come from The Lord Of The Rings.

I just hated the whole thing.  The Smaug portions of the movie which I thought were going to be the focus of the movie, were not.  I didn’t care about who or what happened to any of these horrible people who fought over trinkets and tradition.  That sent people to die for no reason.  Also I would say the Hobbit was the least shown character in this movie. Hard to call it The Hobbit, when he has 20 minutes of screen time.  The whole thing was a phoned in, cheap version of Return Of The King, with more skewed numbers and no reason to fight.

I do not think this is even rentable.  It really felt like a complete waste of time.  I can not recommend this to anyone.  It just was a money grabbing failure that you should not support.

The Hobbit: Battle Of The Five Armies Image

Interstellar

Interstellar Image

One Sentence: Go see it in IMAX

Rated: PG-13

Nudity: None

After Credits: None

Space, the future, distant planets, robots, Interstellar.  I don’t think this needs to be a review of the movie.  It needs to be an argument on why you should go see it in an IMAX theater.  If you have ever been on Mission: Space at EPCOT center, then you already know why.  I do not mean a liemax theater by the way.  I mean a real IMAX.  I think this movie is worth going an hour out of your way to see it in a real IMAX.  The sound is so amazing, so powerful and tells so much of the story, that that by itself is enough to pay the higher prices and go way out of your way to see it.  This isn’t a movie.  It is a physical, and emotional experience and something that I think you should experience in the best possible way.

So I think that is all I have to say about this one.  So it is obvious what I think you should do.  Look up where your real IMAX theater is, here is a great link from our friends at slashfilm.  http://www.slashfilm.com/qa-imax-theatre-real-imax-liemax/2/ Buy tickets now, and go wait in line so you can pick out the best seats you can.  Then when it is over, spend time reflecting on your movie experience with some of your favorite chocolate and a drink, in the cool fall air, while looking up at the stars.

Interstellar Image

Birdman

Birdman Image

One Sentence: This is not going to be the last time you hear about Birdman.

Rated: R

Nudity: None

After Credits: None

It is hard for me to put into words what I thought about Birdman without going hyperbolic.  Saying things like this is a new front in film making.  Birdman is a fixed point in film history and you will see movies change because of it.  We all deserve to see and fall in love with Birdman.  Ugh, I feel dirty just writing things like that, but it is how I feel.  Birdman is an amazing piece of art.  It is very rare that I will ever call a movie a piece of art or something that will change how we view movies in the future. Birdman has made me do that.

I don’t really want to say what the movie is about.  So find that elsewhere if you need to know.  What I want to write about and say is that this movie, has done things that have never been done before.  They effect is so amazing that people will want to keep doing it and we will see it more and more after Birdman.  The way this movie was made pulled so much out of the amazing actors in this movie.  It truly delivered powerful commanding performances that were some of the best I have ever seen.  Everyone’s name on that poster deserves all the awards and accolades they can possibly get for this movie.  It was an amazing experience.

So it is pretty clear that I think everyone that can should go see Birdman.  If you have to wait for DVD, then add it to your queue right now, so that you can get it as soon as your possibly can.  I am sure it will be out before oscar season on DVD so you won’t have to wait too long if it is not in a theater near you.

Birdman Image

 

John Wick

John Wick Image

One Sentence: A comic book story without the comic book.

Rated: R

Nudity: None

After Credits: None

So John Wick is not a comic book, as far as I can find.  So this movie that has no back story and no history comes out guns blazing.  I am not saying we need that story.  I was actually fine with the pace and the fact that we didn’t have very much back story, I was just expecting to find something because of how the movie just started.  I figured it was fan service to the super fans of this hidden loved comic or book.  Nope, they just made a movie about a guy and he is John Wick.

John Wick is focused, lives in a weird world where people use big gold coins to pay for things, and doesn’t take kindly to people messing with his life or things.   This is pretty much all you get as far as plot.  The rest is highly focused gun choreography and some fight scenes.  It works for the most part, except for a few scenes where Keanu looks a little old and shouldn’t be doing somersaults.  I had a lot of fun with John Wick.  I didn’t know what I would be getting into and what I got out of it wasn’t much.  But I was happy with what I got.  A dumb, loud, gun movie with some style.

I think this movie might not be for everyone and is not a date movie.  There is very little here of substance past the guns.  No guns, no love scene, no love interest.  It literally is just a gun fight movie, so you are going to have to decide on your own if you want to see this one.  If it does sound good to you, I would see it in the theater though.  If you are looking for this type of movie, then seeing it on the big screen will help it.

John Wick Image

Alexander And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Alexander And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day Image

One Sentence: Family fun time.

Rated: PG

Nudity: None

After Credits: During

I consider myself quite unlucky when it comes to dice rolls, random pulls, and other things of this nature.  I am on the bad side of the spectrum most of the time when random things might happen.  So I think I feel like I am a little bit like Alexander, who always seems to have a bad day, while everyone around him has all the luck in the world.  I know how he feels to just have everything go wrong.  I think that is why I wanted to see this movie so much.

Alexander, and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day is a solid, fun family movie that will make you laugh and make you smile.  It is a good balance of stuff for everyone in the family.  High School issues, 8th grade issues, elementary issues, baby and parent issues.  It all comes together very well in this very bad day.  High stress and family unity carry the movie in that Disney way.  If I had any complaints, it is that it isn’t hilarious.  It is a funny movie, but I would say that the comedy is tame, and nothing so hilarious that your could not stop laughing.  Also the baby cries a lot.  They could of edited him down a little.

These are minor complaints though for a fun movie that does a good job in bringing everyone together.  I think everyone would have a fun time with this one this weekend.  So go check out this one in a matinee this weekend.

Alexander And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day Image

The Judge

The Judge Image

One Sentence: You don’t really want to root for the guy who peed on someone on purpose.

Rated: R

Nudity: None

After Credits: None

When I got out of The Judge, every person who was screening it said that they loved it.  One lady said, BEST ROBERT DOWNEY JR MOVIE EVER.  The 44% on rotten tomatoes shows that the critics do not agree with the audience on this one.  So take my review as you like.

The Judge is about a horrible lawyer who loves his job, told his daughter that her grandfather is dead to him and peed on a guy on purpose.  This guy has a strained relationship with his father.  He must go back to see him and the rest of the family, which includes 2 brothers, one that is mentally challenged, when the mother dies.  So long story short, cliche, cliche, cliche, leads to murder trail because of cliche, cliche, cliche, and ends up cliche, cliche, cliche.  This was like the transformers of drama courtroom movies.  Drudging through all of these stubborn stupid emotions did not make me care about these horrible people, or that they should have a movie made about them.

Ugh writing about this had made me think about it even more.  The ending is so bad.  It did not even have an amazing courtroom scene.  Those amazing replayed scenes that we see in courtroom movies, this even lacked that punch.  I would say steer clear of The Judge, it just did not work for me.

The Judge Image

Hector And The Search For Happiness

Hector And The Search For Happiness Image

One Sentence: Simon Pegg was excellent.

Rated: R

Nudity: Light

After Credits: None

Well I am happy to say that this isn’t the same old independent movie format that we seem to have been stuck with for the last 5 years.  It does have some of the same things, a single solitary person looking for his place in the world, a love interest that might or might not end up being part of the plan and a search inside as well across whatever world they are in to find what they are looking for.  However that is where the similarities end.  The journey of getting to the end of this movie didn’t feel like the same old movie done but this time with British accents.  It was fun, funny, and had a lot more to it.

First Simon Pegg is the champion of this movie.  He had to play a more straight man character in this movie that he has had to in the past and he delivered.  I think he was an excellent choice for the role and made me laugh and feel more of what this Hector was searching for.  I really enjoyed this character a lot.

For the most part this movie is a long journey and is funny, while dotting in these cute little happiness nuggets and it works pretty well.  There are some issues with the pacing and the ending seems to come abruptly.  We are up and down and up and down, which some might argue is the point of life, but it did feel a little out of balance.  Something just didn’t make me totally love this movie, and it had to do with this up and down pacing.  This pacing issue isn’t enough to make me say that this movie is not worth seeing though.  It was a great little independent, and with so many of them following that format, this one stands out above most others.  I would go see it on a Autumn Sunday afternoon.
Hector And The Search For Happiness Image




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